Two Guys Take a Hike!

Everyone tells us to do it. It seems people must really be concerned for our health. It was 2/21/2010

So on the advice of so many caring individuals, Schwartzy and I decide to do our usual bi-monthly workout and take a hike. I think Hunter was home sleeping (I’m not sure that he believes in exercise) so we went without him. Schwartzy picked me up and we drove to one of the canyons. (Runyon?… I can’t remember) and started going. Now, the last time I went for a hike with Schwartzy I ended up with a prick in my ass. But it’s not what you think. (That happened later) We stumbled down this very steep trail which had at the end of it a huge cactus as though the set designer of the Three Stooges movies created it. I spun and my ass went right into the cactus and it was exactly as it is in the cartoons.

So I was determined to make this a better hike. We stayed on a major trail and it was all downhill the entire way. A nice relaxing strenuous workout. I think I nearly died of a heart attack. But that was typical. And we ended in Hollywood where naturally we wanted breakfast.

We met new people…

I think I saw Avatar in 3D (script still sucked) and several pots of coffee and some corned beef hash later we realized we were trapped in Hollywood. The only way back to the car was up. UP? WTF? We already hiked. We can’t hike again. That would be crazy. WALK ALL THE WAY BACK UP?? NO WAY!!

So, plan one… take the subway (apparently LA has a wonderful public transportation system) to my house, get my car and drive to the trail where Schwartzy parked. BUT, and luckily I realized this before we got on the subway, I left my keys in Schwartzy’s car. Damn! Now it would be really stupid to hike back to the car to get the keys, hike back down, get on the subway, go to my house and drive my car to Schwartzy’s car so after tossing that idea around for a while we threw that out.

So, what to do? We needed to call friends. But we don’t have any. We knew Hunter would yell at us for some ‘bad planning’ hang up he has against us (or, at least me) so we didn’t call him. Schwartzy called a few girls he ‘knows’ but they all hung up on him or yelled at him (I think for being ‘too awesome’) so we were stuck. I called Max, the sound guy at my studio, that lives in Hollywood but he didn’t answer (I should’ve called from a phone with a restricted number) So, what to do? We tried Rachel, a gal we know, that we were sure would help us. (Especially because in the past we have had to rescue her from a bar in Santa Monica and drive all the way out to Korea Town because well, we won’t get into it…) and she told us to take a cab. (WTF??)

So finally we remembered Aygul, a Russian chick that owes us big time because Schwratzy got her a job with me and between the two of us we keep her employed and in the country. She lives only a few blocks away from where we were stuck. (I know this because only days earlier on a Friday night I had to drive her home from work in a rainstorm because she needed a ride) So we called her for an emergency ride. AND SHE SAID ‘NO’!! She told us to take a cab. WTF??

I was so stunned I hung up on her. She eventually called Schwartzy and told him she felt guilty (As she should) and would come but only after she had breakfast. So we picked up some Beard Papa deserts, bought a few for ourselves and Aygul and her husband and waited on the street corner giving jazz hands to the cars so she would recognize us. Eventually she showed and we hopped in. And she took us to our car. (In the end she was so happy to see us)Finally, we ended up back at the car where we ate our Beard Papa deserts (see top picture) to celebrate our hard work. We grabbed the first stranger we could find and told him to take our picture. It turned out to be this guy…

He worked on Raiders of the Lost Ark and apparently a million other films. I completely forget his name or what he does. Damn! And I was wearing my Indiana Jones shirt too, and never even pointed it out to him. We kept talking to him, asking him all kinds of interesting questions and spewed all kinds of interesting insights to him about the movie business and Indiana Jones and hiking and everything. He must have liked us too, and thought we were filled with energy. In the end, he told us to take a hike.

What a nice man.

‘Two Guys’ Meet – 1998

It was March 1998

If my memory serves correctly, I was looking for my keys. Schwartzy was looking for a soulmate (I think she was 16). Our individual journeys lead us right across each others paths somewhere in Utah.

The bond was instant. We laughed. We skied. We shot M-16s in the desert. We hung with famous producers and stayed in $200 a night rooms. (It seemed like a lot at the time). We outran lighting on snowmobiles and ran down the middle of town, screaming, as we reenacted scenes from ‘It’s a Wonderful Life”. Who knew it would lead to this.

Sonofa…

Michele and Ori’s Birthday

2/13/10

We took a ride to our favorite italian joint… I don’t know the name of it… in Woodland Hills. (Did I make that up, Woodland Hills?) and the place was PACKED. So the dumb little girl asked if we had reservations. We quickly glanced at her screen and after throwing out a bunch of names we finally convinced her I was Manuel Marmalejo and we took his reservation for two at 8:30 and got the best seat in the house. (Schwartzy and I don’t wait in lines)

Awesome. After a great dinner and some size appropriate coffee beverages for us, we took off to Hollywood then eventually West Hollywood (such a happy place) and found ourselves at a place we had never seen before, the Pali House, a little hotel type place with a club on the bottom floor. See, we were invited to a party for Michele and Ori’s birthday but when we showed up we noticed a LONG LINE outside.  Well, we don’t wait in lines. So as every place has its weaknesses, we found theirs and snuck in. It took us a roundabout way so we wandered around a bit and found a another small little party where we befriended Zoe Bell…

…who Schwartzy says is famous. I’m not sure. I’ve never heard of her. But she was nice. And enjoyed the jazz hands very much. So then we made our way into the club itself and chilled. It was a damn good venue

but Schwartzy still wasn’t always in the moment…

Yet he bounced back quickly.

And we joined our good friends and celebrated Michele and Ori’s birthday and had some chick take our picture… And we look awesome!

Two Guys and an epic night

You may have heard the stories (from us), you may have read about it online (when we emailed you), but nothing will prepare you for what actually happened the night of June 13, 2009… the night that will go down in TG* history. It has everything you want in a TG adventure: Italian models, wedding crashing, a bachelorette in tears, nudity (female and male), pool-diving, a drunk slutty girl in a blue dress (see above), plenty of jazz hands, and a male stripper… with a heart of gold (yes Hollywood – we’re working on the screenplay).
WARNING: what you are about to see may not be safe for work. If you work in the adult film industry, you’re probably fine. If not… tread lightly. You’ve been warned. Click below to see the debauchery.

*our hypnotherapist was on sabbatical or hiking or submerged in a sensory deprivation tank that night… who knows what he does when he’s not with us.

Read the rest of this entry »

The Red Party

Another French Tuesday. The ‘Red Party’

The Two guys went to ‘french tuesdays’ without their beloved hypnotherapist, Hunter. (He is currently in NY on a top secret NON-TGAAH assignment, which we should or will discuss here soon)

Anyways, we met up with our friend Mark the Man Ho (below) who we have now befriended thanks to Hunter’s awesome RAS (see TGAAH’s definition of RAS below) where he helped us cut in line and get in early, which, as it turns out was completely unnecessary as us two guys always like to find the ‘secret, sneak our way in way’… just to do it. Am I making sense?

What followed was a $100 dinner, a little hat stealing, some ‘pretending to be waiters’, discussions of our favorite Hypnotherapists, sending deserts to what we now think were Russian hookers, bastardizing the russian word for ‘goodbye’ to make it sound like a chicken (paka!) and other things we cannot discuss here.

You should see the pix Schwartzy took. (You should, but chances are you never will). So instead, we give you us (above) from the Website. (Yes, we made it again). A perfect record.

Two Guys make a commercial

This isn’t what you think it is!  Unless you think it’s Two Guys shooting a commercial in Andy’s bathroom.  Stay tuned – the finished commercial will be online in the next few days…

The Solo Adventures of Two Guys… With Two 15 Year Olds!

Okay. As Schwartzy Guy 1 and Hunter the Hypnotherapist have been indeed very busy (probably planning our tour) it has fallen on me to go ahead and find something new to post without having any new material to discuss. So I search the TGAAH archives and come across this photo. This was July 2008. Schwartzy and I were out and about without our trusted hypnotherapist (he was probably off on some adventure saving enslaved children) and we found ourselves in a huge private party in downtown LA where we spent much of the evening with these two fans. Only later did we find out they were only 15. It’s a good thing these are the only pictures that remain from that night.