Two Guys Take a Hike!

Everyone tells us to do it. It seems people must really be concerned for our health. It was 2/21/2010

So on the advice of so many caring individuals, Schwartzy and I decide to do our usual bi-monthly workout and take a hike. I think Hunter was home sleeping (I’m not sure that he believes in exercise) so we went without him. Schwartzy picked me up and we drove to one of the canyons. (Runyon?… I can’t remember) and started going. Now, the last time I went for a hike with Schwartzy I ended up with a prick in my ass. But it’s not what you think. (That happened later) We stumbled down this very steep trail which had at the end of it a huge cactus as though the set designer of the Three Stooges movies created it. I spun and my ass went right into the cactus and it was exactly as it is in the cartoons.

So I was determined to make this a better hike. We stayed on a major trail and it was all downhill the entire way. A nice relaxing strenuous workout. I think I nearly died of a heart attack. But that was typical. And we ended in Hollywood where naturally we wanted breakfast.

We met new people…

I think I saw Avatar in 3D (script still sucked) and several pots of coffee and some corned beef hash later we realized we were trapped in Hollywood. The only way back to the car was up. UP? WTF? We already hiked. We can’t hike again. That would be crazy. WALK ALL THE WAY BACK UP?? NO WAY!!

So, plan one… take the subway (apparently LA has a wonderful public transportation system) to my house, get my car and drive to the trail where Schwartzy parked. BUT, and luckily I realized this before we got on the subway, I left my keys in Schwartzy’s car. Damn! Now it would be really stupid to hike back to the car to get the keys, hike back down, get on the subway, go to my house and drive my car to Schwartzy’s car so after tossing that idea around for a while we threw that out.

So, what to do? We needed to call friends. But we don’t have any. We knew Hunter would yell at us for some ‘bad planning’ hang up he has against us (or, at least me) so we didn’t call him. Schwartzy called a few girls he ‘knows’ but they all hung up on him or yelled at him (I think for being ‘too awesome’) so we were stuck. I called Max, the sound guy at my studio, that lives in Hollywood but he didn’t answer (I should’ve called from a phone with a restricted number) So, what to do? We tried Rachel, a gal we know, that we were sure would help us. (Especially because in the past we have had to rescue her from a bar in Santa Monica and drive all the way out to Korea Town because well, we won’t get into it…) and she told us to take a cab. (WTF??)

So finally we remembered Aygul, a Russian chick that owes us big time because Schwratzy got her a job with me and between the two of us we keep her employed and in the country. She lives only a few blocks away from where we were stuck. (I know this because only days earlier on a Friday night I had to drive her home from work in a rainstorm because she needed a ride) So we called her for an emergency ride. AND SHE SAID ‘NO’!! She told us to take a cab. WTF??

I was so stunned I hung up on her. She eventually called Schwartzy and told him she felt guilty (As she should) and would come but only after she had breakfast. So we picked up some Beard Papa deserts, bought a few for ourselves and Aygul and her husband and waited on the street corner giving jazz hands to the cars so she would recognize us. Eventually she showed and we hopped in. And she took us to our car. (In the end she was so happy to see us)Finally, we ended up back at the car where we ate our Beard Papa deserts (see top picture) to celebrate our hard work. We grabbed the first stranger we could find and told him to take our picture. It turned out to be this guy…

He worked on Raiders of the Lost Ark and apparently a million other films. I completely forget his name or what he does. Damn! And I was wearing my Indiana Jones shirt too, and never even pointed it out to him. We kept talking to him, asking him all kinds of interesting questions and spewed all kinds of interesting insights to him about the movie business and Indiana Jones and hiking and everything. He must have liked us too, and thought we were filled with energy. In the end, he told us to take a hike.

What a nice man.